FROG for Peace

One of the most challenging times in life can come when, either anticipated or not, you find yourself standing at the proverbial crossroad to the path on which you are walking. It can come unexpectedly when you experience the loss of a job, a death of a family member, or receive an unfavorable medical diagnosis. It can be completely anticipated and the end result of a lot of hard work and meeting your goals such as high school or college graduation, achieving a promotion at work, or entering into retirement. Sometimes you find yourself standing at a crossroad simply because of the progression of life as in entering adulthood, approaching “middle-age”, or living out the golden years.

All of life’s crossroads bring with them a unique set of challenges, stressors and emotions and choosing amongst the paths set before you can seem like an overwhelming task.     

So, when standing at a crossroad, how do you keep yourself from getting stuck and giving in to the temptation to plop yourself down in the middle of the road and stop the journey altogether? Here are just a few things that have helped me in my life to move past or to choose a crossroad in order to journey on:

Acknowledgment

Sometimes acknowledgment of where you are in life can be the first step toward getting unstuck. Call a friend, talk to your spouse, write in a journal, blog about it. Whatever it takes to get the reality of your situation “out there” in the open where you can look at it honestly. Are you excited for the change, afraid of failure, feeling a sense of loss? Share your thoughts and feelings and begin asking questions. Simple acknowledgment can go a long way in helping you sift through the facts about your situation and keeping you in the present where you can make accurate judgments and decisions about your circumstances.

Assessment

Ask yourself what your options truly are. Write them down or discuss them with a trusted friend. A lot of time and effort can be saved by taking an accurate assessment of your options in moving forward rather than daydreaming about the “if only’s” or lamenting the past. By the same token, a lot of time and effort can be wasted if you are spending all your time looking at options that aren’t a reality for your situation.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

Take an honest look at each of your options and make a list, literally, of each of the pros and cons relating to those options. Again, you might find it helpful to talk to family, friends, or co-workers through this process, but remember that the pros and cons of any given choice can be extremely different for each individual. Ultimately, the path you take is yours so consider them in light of your personality, skill set, preferences, and support network. This process can go beyond the obvious of uncovering the benefits and disadvantages of each of your options. It also is a very enlightening process that helps you discover where your passions, values, strengths and weaknesses, and individual talents lie.

Seek Advice

Ask, ask, and ask again. This may sound simple, but if you’re anything like me, pride can often get in the way of admitting when you need help or seeking advice from others. However, hearing from those who can say, “Been there, done that”, is invaluable. This can be as simple as having a conversation with a co-worker or spiritual mentor or getting online and doing a bit of research. Of utmost significance in this process is, of course, the element of trust. Ask yourself, do I trust the words, experience and wisdom of the person or source? And, don’t be afraid to filter as you deem necessary. Even the best advice from those who have experienced what you are going through, may just not apply to you. That’s okay, take what works, and leave the rest.

Take the First Step

Ultimately, a choice will be made regarding the path you wish to pursue. However, if you stop at simply choosing a path, and never step foot on it, you might as well join the other undecideds and plop down in the road alongside them. All the acknowledgment, assessment, weighing pros and cons and seeking advice … even making a decision about where you want to go …is futile unless you take that first step on your chosen path and begin to journey on. Everything leading up to making a choice can seem like a cakewalk compared to actually taking action. Remember, however, that life’s sweetest moments, excitement, rewards, and joys are never found by sitting in the middle of the road, but rather in the journey itself.

Remember You’re Not Alone.

More than likely, you are surrounded by people who love and care about you and your well being. It can be tempting to isolate from your support and/or social networks, especially amidst the challenges of change. Don’t do it! Use those networks, no matter how big or small, for support, feedback, continued advice and/or accountability. Connection with your friends, family, spiritual mentors, co-workers, and even online communities as you face and make changes in your life will not only help you realize there are others who have gone through similar challenges, but might also serve as the encouragement and stress relief you need to keep on keeping on.

Let Go and Let God

The foundation underlying all of the above, is my fundamental belief that God is in control, He knows whatever it is you’re facing, and He “will never leave you nor forsake you”. Jeremiah 29:9 states,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

It is because of this, you can rest with peace in the knowledge that you don’t have to make the perfect decisions at the perfect time in the perfect way to move forward. Simply “do your best and leave God the rest.” Becoming consumed with doubt about the direction you’ve chosen can keep you from experiencing all of the blessings to be found along the way. So, once you’ve chosen a path and have started walking, look forward, not back and leave the outcomes in God’s hands … and journey on!

Is it just me or is it incredibly difficult sometimes to love others? It can be so much easier to stand in judgment of, respond in fear to, gossip about, or go on a fault finding mission with our friends, family or co-workers. Judging others is simple because all it takes is a trusted rule book and black and white thinking. People are either right or wrong, right? correct? And if they’re wrong, well, someone needs to show them the error of their ways.

Responding in fear is convenient. If we don’t understand someone, have never been exposed to someone’s ethnicity or culture, or disagree with them politically, we can hide behind our fears and therefore, not learn about our differences, or dare ourselves to grow in understanding. (Read: Run away! Run away!).

Just attach the suffix “phobia” to whatever unsettles us and it can be glorified as a “condition” and all of a sudden we are a victim and we can therefore take minimal responsibility for our responses.

Gossiping about others can be oh, so satisfying. Especially when cutting others down or telling a juicy secret gives us power or makes us feel “better than”. And it’s okay as long as we do it under the guise of “asking for prayer” for others, right? Bahaha!

Along the same lines of gossip is the tempting mission of fault finding that is so easy to launch in our minds. We might certainly justify it as being okay because we keep it all to ourselves and God. Again, so simple to do. And it can give us the mistaken feeling of being in control and/or feeling more worthy of a gold star than the screw-up on the other side of the room. If they are so messed up, I must be a better Christian, parent, spouse, employee, friend, etc., etc.

But what if, only for a day, we tempered every response with love? That can be a tricky thing to contemplate, I mean, what is love?

We’re certainly bombarded by messages from Hollywood, multi-media of all forms, and even childhood experiences that can shape our beliefs about love.
Love = glamor and beauty and gifts of material things. Love = happiness and joy and feelings of wedded bliss. Love = attention and acceptance and sex.

If we base the concept of love on feelings rather than facts, it’s tempting to only be satisfied when we feel “love is in the air” and to become restless or unsatisfied when blown away by the winds of change.

It can be a sobering revelation when we learn that love takes great effort and commitment. And it is often more about hard work and dying to self than feelings of butterflies and flying sparks. The apostle Paul wrote about love in his first recorded letter to his friends in Corinth and he emphasized the significance of having a spirit of love toward others. He wrote:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Each and every day we have a choice in how we respond and react to others. Just for today, and one day at a time, I will try to choose love.

I have to say one of the hardest things for me to do is to be still. Not so much slow down physically…I probably do a bit too much of that. But rather, to slow my brain down long enough to just be quiet, to stop all the thoughts and conversations in my head and sit with God.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite songs from childhood, “Cats in the Cradle” which was co-written by the late Harry Chapin and his wife, Sandy, and released on his 1974 album Verities and Balderdash. Although it was Chapin’s only #1 single, it quickly became one of the most notable songs in the folk rock genre, and is still the work for which he is best known. Inspired by the strained relationship between Sandy’s ex-husband and his father, “Cat’s in the Cradle” contains the poignant message of the importance of taking the time out of our busy schedules to make time for those who are most important to us.

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I’d like to see you, if you don’t mind
He said I’d love to Dad, if I could find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking you Dad, it’s been sure nice talking to you

That can be quite the challenge can’t it? Juggling church, work, community, school, and family schedules can leave a person exhausted and feeling overwhelmed. And it may seem impossible to carve out time in our day to connect with our spouse, our children, or our parents. How much more difficult is it to slow down long enough to spend time with God? Not just prayers in passing. But to be still long enough to hear from him. I find that connecting with God through prayer isn’t as challenging as mediation. I can pray while I’m walking or driving or cooking or shopping. I can even say when I’m done, “It’s sure nice talking to you “Dad”, it’s been sure nice talking to you.” But, that’s the problem. I’m the one doing all the talking!

I think it’s significant that God gives us this reminder in Psalms 46:10: Be still, and know that I am God.

God loves me so much, that he doesn’t want to merely hear from me from time to time or to even hear from me constantly through prayer. He genuinely longs to spend time with me so that I can hear from Him. He wants to quiet my fears and whisper words of encouragement and guidance. He wants me to know Him and hear His direction for my life. He wants me to simply take the time to be still.